What was Missing
‘To all the women who love God’ post went over different scenarios of feeling stuck in a cycle that doesn’t seem to be working. It also addressed some of the Christian answers that fell short and didn’t end in God’s peace.
After years of what seemed like ‘trying every way but the right way’, I walked into Re:Generation. This is where God guided me and I followed. He revealed to me the tiny shifts I needed to make, to allow room for the Holy Spirit to work within me.
These tiny shifts had a huge impact on my life. It resulted in God’s peace becoming a constant in my life and built a stronger relationship with him. At it’s surface ‘tiny shifts’ does not sound like something that would result in a drastic change. But that is exactly what it did. They broke down my past and present self willed actions and allowed God to build within me a strong foundation where he is the conerstone.
The first shift came after I acknowledged how tired I was, how I was trying to control every situation on my own. This looked like lots of planning, conversations about the current worries I had and how I was going to solve them. Some of these conversations were formed around a prayer request, seeking out community to pray for me in my struggles. I was using the label ‘prayer request’ as an excuse to gossip, vent, and ask advice about the current plan I was hatching to solve my request on my own. Other than asking for prayer, and praying myself (sometimes) for God to give me the answer to a specific worry or stress, God was not truly in the process.
Because I was taking it all on my own, trying to prevent things happening, or being ‘on top of it’ with a busy schedule, there was no room for the Holy Spirit to work within me. God called me to shift my perspective where ‘I was in charge and just called on God for help’ to ‘fully giving up every single part of my life to his control’.
This shift did not happen over night, because giving up your life to Christ is not a slogan to be prayed, it is a call to action. Re:generation helped me first acknowledge I am powerless and God is in control. Next, I sat down and prayed for God to change my heart and give me the courage to give him control. This moved a small space in my heart for the Holy Spirit to start working.
The next tiny shift started off with another prayer. This prayer asked God to reveal in me all the places where I was still holding on to control. There were lots of places, rooted in my past and present, and most I didn’t realize I was holding on to. Some places were long in the past and buried under time but God pulled them out and made me sit with them. I realized these past places were the root, the beginning, of many of my current worries. There were other places in my past and present that I held without knowing. These subconscious places were a problem I didn’t realize I had, they were so ingrained in my everyday life and thinking. God revealed why these ingrained places were a problem and how I was still holding onto control.
Even more still, there were places in the past and present that haunted me every night, or popped into my head at random times. These were places I had asked God to specifically take away, and I thought that was all that was needed from me. God revealed to me how I was still holding tightly to these places in my life, so tightly that God could not take them away. Hear me when I say this: God can not take away what you are holding tightly to!
The next tiny shift was to give to God these places he revealed. All, whether buried, ingrained or haunting, were given over to God. I specifically named each place, situation, and how it affected me, then I prayed “God I give this over to you, I give you control of this part of my life. Please give me the courage it takes to give this fully over to you”. This cleared a little more room in my heart to allow the Holy Spirit to wash over me. He gave me this deep sense of peace that I had never felt before.
I was like a new person after I had taken this shift seriously and done the hard work of introspection led by God. My mind felt cleared, I had more energy than ever before, and there was a palpable sense of joy in my heart. I was tempted to stop, that seemed like enough shifts for me. But the days became weeks, and I realized that I had lost that sense of peace and joy.
God revealed to me that his work was not done within me, he was still changing me. I came to understand that the shift of fully giving your life to God is a life long practice. I went from going about my day and maybe having time to read God’s word or complete a Bible study, to craving the Word of God and constant prayer. Reading his Word strengthens my relationship with God as he reveals passages and new ways to look at scripture I had been reading since I was little.
Constant prayer looked different than before. Before I started making these tiny shifts, my prayer life looked a lot like this: “Dear God, thank you for (my kids, husband, anything outside of me), you are a good good God. Forgive me for (things like yelling at my kids etc.).Please take away this (worry/stress/problem) from my life. (Enter a long dialog about the specifics of the problem, the why, when, where, who and what). God help me give grace to (person that annoyed me that day). I love you God, Amen”.
After the tiny shift of truly giving my whole life to God and asking for his change, my prayers to God changed: “Dear God, I am struggling with (fear/resentment etc.) and give it up to you. Give me the courage to give you control of my life, and let the Holy Spirit work within me. Thank you for giving me the constant peace and joy I carry constantly. Thank you for the times I know I have strayed, and can quickly turn back to you. Thank you for your forgiveness of all my sins. God I ask for you Holy Spirit to guide me in thought, word, and deed. Bring me the people you want me to interact with today, and the words to say. I love you, Amen".
I noticed that my prayers before I started shifting centered around what was happening outside of me. The first prayer checked all the boxes: gratitude, forgiveness, and request. But the gratitude was for tangible things around me, or acts of kindness done to me. The requests for forgiveness were always followed up with a justifiable reason I acted the way that I did. My requests to take away something were not being met because I was still holding tightly on to control. Last, notice my request for grace was not for myself, it was for the person that annoyed me that day. I was in such a negative mindset, pointing out to God other people’s flaws and feeling righteous that I was giving them grace.1
Contrast this with my prayer after these tiny shifts. I am continually naming my struggle (resentment/fear/etc. something rooted within me) and giving it up to God. I also ask God more, but it is focused on traits that only God through the Holy Spirit can provide within me. I ask for courage, guidance, words, and people he wants me to interact with today. The focus has shifted from looking outward and how I can fix a problem with God’s help, to an inward request to help me better follow God and allow the Holy Spirit to work within me. My gratitude is centered around what is happening inside of me also, it is not coming from a place of pride or boasting. This gratitude is acknowledging that everything good in me came from God, I can do nothing without the Holy Spirit working within me. I also give him praise for giving me these tiny shifts because it has brought me closer to him. Being able to quickly feel when my thoughts are straying from God allows me to recenter myself almost in real time, back to God. This is an imperfect process, and some sins get past this new ‘detector’ within me and I find myself feeling horrible and looking back days to where I turned away from God. The process is still life changing and so rewarding!
The next tiny shift was making God my number one priority. Reading his Word and constant prayer keeps my focus on him. My heart has slowly changed and aligned with the good things God wants for my life. This ripped my heart wide open and ready for the Holy Spirit to move within me. When I lose my sense of peace that comes from the Holy Spirit it is a red flag that I am splitting focus between God and something else.
Sometimes the actions that turn me away from God are deceiving. For example, the other day I found myself looking up articles related to a passion God has put on my heart. I read three or four articles and went to bed. I woke up the next day feeling off, I had little patience and by mid-morning was praying for God to reveal where I had gone wrong. I realized Initially running through what I had done the previous day did not bring out any alarming actions, I didn’t realize where I have lost his peace. Then the articles popped into my thoughts, I realized I had done this prior to asking God to guide me. I was looking up articles to put off doing work he was really calling me to do. This had me jumping ahead, and God wanted to show me that he is in control and I need to focus only on what he puts in front of me.
What a relief to finally have my heart cleared out and aligned with God’s! I sleep easier, experience more joy, and carry that peace that transcends all understanding. What was missing? Clearing out my heart, giving it all up to God, and allowing the Holy Spirit to fully work within me.
Ask God to change your heart and reveal those parts of your life you still have not given fully to him. Ask for God to lead the introspection into your past and present and provide you the people that will assist you in fully clearing your heart to make room for the Holy Spirit. Let the Holy Spirit work within you and find freedom in giving God full control!
**Side note about asking God to help you give someone grace. I was brought up to believe you give someone grace because Jesus showed us grace. And yes that is good and I believe that. But I was also brought up to believe you were showing them Jesus by giving them grace. This part does not make sense. Unless you specifically tell the person “I’m going to give you grace and not respond how I want to respond to you”, there is no way the person realizes that you are giving them grace.
This creates at best, a sense of righteousness because you ‘gave them grace’, and at worst, breeds bitterness within the person giving grace, because ‘doesn’t that person realize how much grace I’m giving them?’.